Thursday, April 22, 2010

I can do this...right?

I have always wanted to go to dental hygiene school. Some people are confused about their career paths, but I never was. I worked really hard, kept a great GPA, and applied. Along this path, my life changed a lot. I got pregnant, but still had every intention of going to school, even if it was just a month after the baby came. I had not really prayed about it, but I felt like I needed to. I prayed and I was very strongly prompted to delay dental hygiene school in order to take responsibility as a mother. I was okay with this and I felt confident. Well, not too long later, I received an acceptance letter from the University of Tennessee Health Science Center. My heart was broken. All I thought I had wanted was right at my finger tips.
I was stubborn and looked into every possibility of being able to go to school. I felt a little guilty and one of my friends asked me if I had prayed about it...well, I had before, but I was questioning what I had felt and so she asked me to pray again. I did not want to though...I wanted to be able to do it and everything work out... I really dont think I was willing to hear. I humbled myself, and I looked even deeper. In a way, my heart aches giving up something that I have always wanted. I look at those educated women around me and I really do envy it. I have chosen to put off school this year because of something more important. It breaks my heart, but I am confident in my choice and I know that I have to have the faith to act on it...but it does not mean that this has not been difficult for me. I have to trust that the Lord knows better than I do...even though right now it is so hard. I just need some love and support right now-that might sound a little silly, but it has been a struggle. I can not complain though. Life is great, well except for the fact that I can not eat sweets for the rest of my pregnancy. I failed one of my blood-sugar tests and they told me I cant eat sweets or I will have a 12 lb baby. No ice cream is driving me crazy. We passed my dairy queen and they had blizzards buy one, get one for 25 cents. I started crying because I promise there are never deals like that when I can eat it. Boo you, dairy queen. Anyway, I better run. I love you all!