I can do this...right?

I have always wanted to go to dental hygiene school. Some people are confused about their career paths, but I never was. I worked really hard, kept a great GPA, and applied. Along this path, my life changed a lot. I got pregnant, but still had every intention of going to school, even if it was just a month after the baby came. I had not really prayed about it, but I felt like I needed to. I prayed and I was very strongly prompted to delay dental hygiene school in order to take responsibility as a mother. I was okay with this and I felt confident. Well, not too long later, I received an acceptance letter from the University of Tennessee Health Science Center. My heart was broken. All I thought I had wanted was right at my finger tips.
I was stubborn and looked into every possibility of being able to go to school. I felt a little guilty and one of my friends asked me if I had prayed about it...well, I had before, but I was questioning what I had felt and so she asked me to pray again. I did not want to though...I wanted to be able to do it and everything work out... I really dont think I was willing to hear. I humbled myself, and I looked even deeper. In a way, my heart aches giving up something that I have always wanted. I look at those educated women around me and I really do envy it. I have chosen to put off school this year because of something more important. It breaks my heart, but I am confident in my choice and I know that I have to have the faith to act on it...but it does not mean that this has not been difficult for me. I have to trust that the Lord knows better than I do...even though right now it is so hard. I just need some love and support right now-that might sound a little silly, but it has been a struggle. I can not complain though. Life is great, well except for the fact that I can not eat sweets for the rest of my pregnancy. I failed one of my blood-sugar tests and they told me I cant eat sweets or I will have a 12 lb baby. No ice cream is driving me crazy. We passed my dairy queen and they had blizzards buy one, get one for 25 cents. I started crying because I promise there are never deals like that when I can eat it. Boo you, dairy queen. Anyway, I better run. I love you all!

Here the belly is!!

Here you have the belly and all!!

Emotional Battles

Here lately, I have really been fighting to be happy. I feel like I am constantly just standing on the edge just waiting there. I am not sure why it feels like things are so much harder than they usually are. I know that there is a lot of pride and selfishness involved with feeling unhappy. I have been trying really hard to come up with a genuine recipe for smiles. I do not have a hard time smiling, but sometimes I do have a hard time just feeling good in general...Here is my spill.....(please be patient with me)
First of all, I know my hormones are all sorts of crazy because I am pregnant. Not only am I pregnant, but I barely transitioned from being part of a huge social scene in the "single" life. This really has been a hard transition. I went from constantly playing and being around tons of people to the norms of married life. Robert really is wonderful, but I miss being able to be around so many different types of people and just having girl time with roommies. I really hope that the people that do have those times and privileges do not take them for granted. They really are times to be cherished.
It makes me feel somewhat alone and everyday I am so scared that I am not going to be a good mom. I can have all the reassurance in the world, but I know it is something I am going to have to prove to myself.
Along with all these sad feelings, I have been having really bad anxiety. I get really nervous around people and then I start getting really hot and my face turns red, I feel like I cant breath and I am being suffocated. When I do get fresh air and I am alone, I cry. Im not sure what makes me cry, but I do. I feel scared and then I feel confined. I hate those feelings. What happened to the social butterfly in me?
I feel like I am writing these things and maybe it will be a step closer to me being better or doing what it takes to be better.
A call to action: I was reading in 2 Nephi 10, and verses 23 and 24 really stuck out to me. I read them a bit differently than I had in the past. This is what I pulled out of them: Happiness comes from aligning our actions with the will of God. It makes it perfectly clear in these verses that happiness IS a choice. I have always believed that, but I needed to see that and interpret it the way I did. Thank goodness for the little mercies in life....

Age: 21 glorious years!
Bed size: Full :-/ Hopefully that changes soon
Chore I hate: Folding clothes.....urghhh!!
Dog's name: None
Essential to start my day: Brushin my teeth
Favorite color: Red or turquiose
Gold or silver: Gold
Height: 5'8
I am: really tired...going to bed very soon!
Job: Full time student. Im working on getting a job though
Kids: One on the way. I hope to have lots.
Living arrangements: 2 bed room apartment. It is very cute! I love it.
Mom's name: I call her Bom, she goes by Diane, but her real name is Porla...I love you bom!
Nickname: Chare, Chare bear,
Overnight hospital stay: Bladder surgery
Pet peeve: Things not going in the dishwasher right.
Quote from a movie: "After all, tomorrow is another day." -Gone with the wind
Right or left handed: Righty-so original.
Siblings: Renee', Michael, Sandra, James, Rebekah
Time I wake up: If I could, 9:00 everyday. It just always feels good.
Unique thing about my car: Her name is Keisha; she is a black avenger
Vegetable I hate: brussel sprouts
Ways I run late: Usually just when I am waiting on every one else.
X-rays I've had: Oh, lots.
Yummy food I make: If I make it, it is yummy
Zoo favorite: Monkeys...hippos.

Listen, all you haters:

Okay, okay!! I am going to try really hard to get better at blogging!! I do not look pregnant enough to put up pictures. I would just feel chubby in them. My life is not too eventful right now, but I did have some inspiration:
I was just thinking about how short tempered I have been. It seems like the people I care about the most are the ones that I need to treat the best, but I take my frustrations out on them. I started thinking about how it is our family that deserves to be treated the best, but because we are so comfortable around them, our bad side may come out. I really am going to put an effort forth to uplift those that I love. I want to try to always put my best foot forward. It always seems like I lose my patience so quickly around the people I am closest too. However, they are the ones that deserve the full patience from you. I just thought of these things and thought they were worthy of sharing. Maybe we could all take a look at how we are treating those that mean the most to us and hopefully we are showing them they mean the most through our actions toward them.
Morgan is in Idaho visiting me. It is fun to have her here. She keeps me from being bored. I have fun fun fun! Ha, it is hard to get homework done though.
Life is great. Im so happy that I am alive and I pray that I am able to stay optimistic. I really do hope that I can treat everyone around me better. I really do need to make that a top priority.

For Mom...and the rest of you :)

Every time I talk to Mom, she tells me that I need to get on and blog. Okay, okay! I will do it!
So everyone knows by now that I am pregnant. Things are going great. I feel sick a lot, but I rarely throw up (I hate to say that around Nae, she is a sickly one). I am in school and have been working my butt off trying to keep my grades up. I have applied for Dental Hygiene school, and if all works out, I will be in school August 17th doing that. Life is busy, but it helps the days to go along a little faster. I can not wait until Mom gets here. I am going to have to work extra hard to stay on track because I know I am going to want to go see her a lot.
I am trying to work out a way to come home in April. I really want to see all my family. San and Daddy especially.
I am pretty sure I am going to name Baby Dilly Riley James. I love the name Riley because it is a southern name. My mom had an uncle riley, so it is a family name as well. James comes from my big brother. I have always looked up to him and I want to name my baby after him. I do not have too much to say. I feel like I am just rambling right now, but if I come up with something significant to say, I will be sure to blog.....Love to all!! -charity

Merry Christmas

Wow, I just realized that I have not blogged since October. I have to do better.
The past few months have flown by and they have been really good. Full of surprises and such. I went to Tennessee on Dec 7-15. It was a great time and I can never get enough of my family. I love them each and even with all those little quirks of theirs, they are forever written in my heart. When I got back to Boise I started thinking of some things...
Sometimes we are wrong. Sometimes we are right. Sometimes we are terribly wrong, and sometimes we are all too right.
We tend to be judgemental, mostly in good faith, but I think a lot of times we are unfairly judgemental. We develop opinions and biases based on what others say and in stead of confronting a situation to earn our own opinions, we live and breath off of others. I know I am guilty of this. Obviously, there have been people that I have cared less about based on the opinions and observations of others. Realizing the biases of others, I realized how I am guilty of this same thing.
This made me want to change. I can not be mad at others if I am guilty as well. So, I have decided to put an effort in on forming my own opinions based on my own observations, ignoring social norms, but clinging to the morals that I believe in. I do not like cowards. I do not like being talked about. I do not like these things in the least. So, I am also going to make an effort to be braver and to not talk about anyone. I will try to hold my tongue unless I truly do have something nice to say. My daddy use to quote Thumper in Bambi saying "if you dont have anything nice to say, dont say it"....well, it was something like that. I have been frustrated and I am dealing with my own personal struggles. Everyday a new battle approaches, not just in my life, but in all of ours. I do not want to bare my burdens alone. I want to be able to turn to those that I love and trust the most and know that I am not being looked down on but I want to know they have their arms full of love and compassion extended towards me as I would them.
Life is not always a piece of cake. I am blessed to have been given the life that I have.
Everyday is a challenge and a blessing all at once. I look forward to starting school and getting to see Becky and Megan more often.
Anyway, a new little something I will share. I have always loved cameo jewelry. Robert got me a really beautiful cameo necklace for christmas and I have decided that I am going to start collecting it. Cameo is so elegant and beautiful and it reminds me of a classy and graceful time in the world.
I hope everyone is doing well. I love you all and I hope everyone is getting ready for a great new year!!!!